Affetmiyorumaffet Dolores O’Riordan!

Soğuk ve yağışlı bir geceydi, kapı çalındığında san-at dedektifi Mellini Nomüzikoloni’nin odasının yanındaki salondaydım, dostum Nomüzikoloni yanına bir de neşter alarak bir mavi kızılcık işi için dışarıya çıkmıştı, çıkarken öyle hüzünlüydü ki neşteri ne yapacağını sormak aklıma gelmedi, belki de dünya denen yer için biraz temiz hava açacak, belki de sadece gazoz açacaktır, hemen aşağıya inip kapıyı açtığımda Dolores diye birisi karşımdaydı, acilen ikili koltuğu alıp bir yere gitmesi gerektiğini söyledi, bunu söylerken yüzünde öyle dağılmış bir gülümseme vardı ki sessizce ona bakıp zorlukla gülümseyebilmişim, içeriye ‘çıkar’ mıydı?

Bir ses duydum üst kattan:

When You’re Gone.

 

Kapı girişinde bir gitar gözüne takıldı ve sormaya gerek görmeden gitarı aldı:

“Kapo var mı?”

“Kapı mı kapo mu, kapımız size her zaman açık ama…müzikten de pek anlamam efendim…”

Anlaşıldı dercesine başını salladı ve şunları tıngırdatmaya başladı:

 

Dolores der ki:

Intro:
D# Cm Gm A# 2x

D#          Cm
Hold on to love,
             Gm
that is what I do,
              A#
now that I've found you
D#         Cm
And from above,
             Gm
everything's stinking,  
             A#
they're not around you

    D#      
And in the night,
           Cm
I could be helpless,
           Gm                 A#
I could be lonely, sleeping without you
    D#                        Cm
And in the day, everything's complex,
                Gm                   A#
there's nothing simple, when I'm not around you 
              
      D#                    Cm
But I miss you when you're gone,
             Gm  G#
that is what I do 

Hey, hey, hey  

     D#             Cm
It's hard to carry on,
             Gm    G#
that is what I knew 

Hey, hey, hey  

D# Cm Gm A# 

D#          Cm
Hold on to my hands,
           Gm
I feel I'm sinking,
            A#
sinking without you
D#         Cm
And to my mind,
             Gm
everything's stinking,
             A#
stinking without you

    D#      
And in the night,
           Cm
I could be helpless,
           Gm                 A#
I could be lonely, sleeping without you
    D#                        Cm
And in the day, everything's complex,
                Gm                   A#
there's nothing simple, when I'm not around you 
            
      D#                    Cm
But I miss you when you're gone,
             Gm  G#
that is what I do 

Hey, hey, hey  

     D#             Cm
It's hard to carry on,
             Gm    G#
that is what I knew 

Hey, hey, hey  

D# Cm Gm A# 

Hey, hey, hey  

D# Cm Gm A# . . .

İçeriye girip salona çıktığımızda pikaptaki ses değişmişti, tam emin olamadım ama Dolores’in yüzündeki parçalanmış gülümsemeden bunun ne olduğunu anladım, işte şuydu:

Shattered by your smile.

 

 

Yine kapı mı kapo mu her ne ise onu sordu,  sordu ama burada da olmadığını söyledim, az önce mırıldandığı şeyi de biraz tıngırdattı:

Dolores der ki:

================================================================================
Intro/Verse 1:                                                 [ 00:00 - 00:46 ]
================================================================================


   [Am7]           [F7M]             [CM7]          [G6add11]
||--3-3-3-3--3-3-0-0-0-0-0--0-0-0-|--0-0-0-0--0-0-0-0-0-0-0--0-0-0-| |
||--1-1-1-1--1-1-1-1-1-1-1--1-1-1-|--1-1-1-1--1-1-1-1-1-1-1--1-1-1-| |
||--2-2-2-2--2-2-2-2-2-2-2--2-2-0-|--0-0-0-0--0-0-0-0-0-0-0--0-0-0-|*|
||--2-2-2-2--2-2-0-3-3-3-3--3-3-0-|--2-2-2-2--2-2-0-0-0-0-0--0-0-0-|*|
||--0-0-0-0--0-0-0-0-0-0-0--0-0---|--2-2-2-2--2-2---2-2-2-2--2-2-0-| |
||--------------------------------|--0-0-0-0--0-0---3-3-3-3--3-3---| |
    ^ v ^ v  v ^ v ^ v ^ v  v ^ v    ^ v ^ v  v ^ v ^ v ^ v  v ^ v



[Am7]            [FM7]
I’m trying to control myself


   [CM7]                     [G6add11]
So please don’t stand in my way


[Am7]               [FM7]
I’ve waited for the longest time


        [CM7]             [G6add11]
This is what I wanted in my way


[Am7]        [FM7]
    Move over, move over


          [CM7]           [G6add11]
There’s a climax coming my way


[Am7]        [FM7]
    Move over, move over


          [CM7]            [G6add11]
There’s a climax coming in my way



================================================================================
Chorus 1:                                                       [ 00:46 - 01:26]
================================================================================


[FM7]        [Am]                   [FM7]
     I don’t like you, don’t compromise


[Dm7]              [Am]
Shattered by your weakness


[Dm7]              [Am]
Shattered by your smile


    [FM7]        [Am]                  [FM7]
And I’m not very fond of you, and your lies


[Dm7]              [Am]
Shattered by your weakness


[Dm7]              [Am]     [AM7 (2)]
Shattered by your smile


[Am7]                  [FM7]
All the kids are going back to school


    [CM7]                  [G6add11]
The summer’s over it’s the golden rule


[Am7]              [FM7]
And now I’m coming out to play


   [CM7]                    [G6add11]
So please don’t stand in my way


    [Am7]                      [FM7]
And all the things that seemed once to be


     [CM7]        [G6add11]
So important to me


[Am7     [FM7]
Seems so trivial now


[CM7]           [G6add11]
    That I can see


[Am7]        [FM7]
    Move over, move over


          [CM7]           [G6add11]
There’s a climax coming my way


[Am7]        [FM7]
    Move over, move over


          [CM7]            [G6add11]
There’s a climax coming in my way



================================================================================
Chorus 2                                       [ 02:17 - 03:42 ]
================================================================================


[FM7]        [Am]                   [FM7]
     I don’t like you, don’t compromise


[Dm7]             [Am]
Shattered by your weakness


[Dm7]           [Am]
Shattered by your smile


    [FM7]        [Am]                  [FM7]
And I’m not very fond of you, and your lies


[Dm7]             [Am]
Shattered by your weakness


[Dm7]            [Am]
Shattered by your smile


[Dm7]             [Am]
Shattered by your weakness


[Dm7]            [Am]
Shattered by your smile


[Dm7]             [Am]
Shattered by your weakness


[Dm7]            [Am]
Shattered by your smile


[Dm7]             [Am]
Shattered by your weakness


[Dm7]            [Am]    [Am]    [Am7 (3)]
Shattered by your smile


[FM7]   [CM7]                   [G6add11]
        Please don't stand in my way


[Am7]      [FM7]


[CM7]      [G6add11]

Salonda ikili bir koltuk var, Dolores’in istediği bu koltuk sanırım, Nomüzikoloni bir ara Dolores’in ve diğer tayfanın bu koltukta fotoğraflarını çektiğini söylemişti, koltuğu daha sonra bir eskiciye satmışlar, eskici iki yıl koltuğu evinde bekletmiş, Dolores biraz ün yapınca da gayet ideal bir yatırım aracı olan bu koltuğu elinden iyi rakama çıkarmış, Nomüzikoloni epey para eden bu koltuğu yine parasız biçimde buraya nasıl getirdi bilmiyorum, bunu sorduğumda soruları cevapsız bırakıyordu. Dolores eğer habersiz gelirse ona bu koltuğu vermememi söylemişti. Koltuk şöyle bir şey:

 

Şuraya biraz kızılcık döküldü ayın 15’inde, umarım ‘var olduğunu’ fark etmez, Dolores’in şu an ona baktığı yer; tam şurası:

 

Sonra şunu mırıldanmıştı: People are stranger…People in danger…
#DoloresO‘Riordan, #DoloresORiordan #Dolores

Dolores der ki:

Intro:

G chord diagramGG

Verse:
Dm chord diagramDmDm
I hope that you miss me
F chord diagramFF
Put me down on history
Am chord diagramAmAm
I feel such a reject now
G chord diagramGG
Ger yourself a life
Dm chord diagramDmDm
I hope that you're sorry
F chord diagramFF
For not accepting me
Am chord diagramAmAm
For not adoring me
G chord diagramGG
That's why I'm not your wife

Chorus:
Dm chord diagramDmDm         F chord diagramFF
People are stranger
Am chord diagramAmAm        G chord diagramGG
People in danger
Dm chord diagramDmDm         F chord diagramFF
People are stranger
Am chord diagramAmAm         G chord diagramGG
People deranged or.


Verse:
Dm chord diagramDmDm
I remember there was
F chord diagramFF
Nothing I could ever do
Am chord diagramAmAm
Never could impress you
G chord diagramGG
Even if I tried
Dm chord diagramDmDm
Tell somebody who cares
F chord diagramFF
Fill the room with empty stares
Am chord diagramAmAm
Go to bed and say my prayers
G chord diagramGG
Keep them satisfied
Chorus:
Dm chord diagramDmDm         F chord diagramFF
People are stranger
Am chord diagramAmAm        G chord diagramGG
People in danger
Dm chord diagramDmDm         F chord diagramFF
People are stranger
Am chord diagramAmAm         G chord diagramGG
People deranged or.


Instrumental:
A chord diagramAA  D chord diagramDD  Bm chord diagramBmBm  G chord diagramGG


Bridge:
A chord diagramAA        D chord diagramDD              Bm chord diagramBmBm          G chord diagramGG
Loud and clear I make my point dear


Verse:
Dm chord diagramDmDm
I hope that you never
F chord diagramFF
Get the things that you wanted to
Am chord diagramAmAm
Now I cast a spell on you
G chord diagramGG
Complicate your life
Dm chord diagramDmDm
Hope you get a puncture
F chord diagramFF
Everywhere you ever drive
Am chord diagramAmAm
Hope the sun beats down on you
G chord diagramGG
And skin yourself alive

A-HEEY-HEEY!

Oralet içer miydi?

O kadar sessizdi ki, içebileceğini düşündüm.

Konuşmak ister miydi?

O kadar sessizdi ki susmak isteyebileceğini düşündüm.

Yaşamak ister miydi?

O kadar canlıydı ki artık burada olmadığını düşündüm.

 

Dolores der ki:

Em       Bm        C             Bm
Electric blue eyes where did you come from
Em       Bm        C        Bm
Electric blue eyes who sent you
Em       Bm        C         Bm
Electric blue eyes always be near me
Em       Bm        C      Bm
Electric blue eyes I need you

Nah nah noh,nah nah noh! (same chords)-
                                      -
                                      -
Em  Bm C       Bm                     -   Chorus
Domina,Domina deus,                   -
Em  Bm C      Bm                      -
Domina adjuva me                      -
                                      -

Em            Bm            C        Bm
If you should go you should know I am here(twice)
Em        Bm       C      Bm
Always be near me guardian angel
Em        Bm        C       Bm
Always be near me, there's no fear

Dolores salondaki büyük koltukta oturuyor şimdi, az önce ona getirdiğim oraleti içmiş, bardağı masaya koyup koymamakta kararsız bir halde yüzüme bakıyor, zorlukla gülümsedim, sonra bardağı masaya bıraktı ve masanın üzerindeki bir heykelciğe uzandı, birden bir şey hatırlamışçasına yüzüme baktı:

“Çocukları almalıyım, onları kimsesizler yurduna ya da bakım evi türü bir yere bıraktı devlet…”

“Bunu neden yaptılar?”

“Bilmiyorum, devlet her aklına gelmeyeni yapmak zorunda, yardım eder misin?”

 

Bir şey hatırlamış olmalıydı, cevap beklemeden bir şey mırıldandı:

 

Dolores der ki:

[Intro] 
C  Dm  Em  Dm (2x)

[Verse 1]
C            Dm            Em            Dm
 I'm still remembering the day I gave my life away,
C            Dm            Em            Dm            C
 I'm still remembering the time You said you'd be mine.
      Dm               Em            Dm           C
Yesterday was cold and bare, because you were not there,
      Dm               Em            Dm          
Yesterday was cold, My story has been told.


[Chorus]
C              Dm             Em     Dm
I need your affection all the way. ------
     C                    Dm                Em      Dm
The world has changed, or I've changed in a way, -------
C          Dm               Em           Dm
I try to remain, I'm trying not to go insane,
C             Dm               Em      Dm
I need your affection all the way, the way.


[Verse 2]
C            Dm           Em              Dm
 I'm still remembering my life before I became your wife,
C            Dm            Em           Dm
 I'm still remembering the pain and the mind games.
C           Dm      Em            Dm     
 Reverse psychology never tainted me,
  C              Dm      Em             Dm 
I didn't sell my soul, I didn't sell my soul.


[Chorus]

C              Dm             Em     Dm
I need your affection all the way. ------
     C                    Dm                Em      Dm
The world has changed, or I've changed in a way, -------
C          Dm               Em           Dm
I try to remain, I'm trying not to go insane,
C             Dm               Em      Dm
I need your affection all the way, the way.


[Verse 3]
C            Dm                Em          Dm
They say the cream will always rise to the top,
C            Dm               Em              Dm
They say the good peopler are always first to drop.
C              Dm               Em             Dm 
What of Kurt Cobain? Will his presence still remain?
   C         Dm      Em           Dm 
Remember J-F-K? Ever saintly in a way.
C             Dm   Em            Dm 
Where are you now? Where are you now?
C             Dm          Em            Dm
Where are you now? I say, where are you now?


[Chorus]
C              Dm             Em     Dm
I need your affection all the way. ------
     C                    Dm                Em      Dm
The world has changed, or I've changed in a way, -------
C          Dm               Em           Dm
I try to remain, I'm trying not to go insane,
C             Dm               Em      Dm
I need your affection all the way, the way.
     C         Dm        Em           Dm
Get away, get away, get away-ay-ay-ay-ay,
     C         Dm        Em           Dm
Get away, get away, get away-ay-ay-ay-ay.

O sırada cebinden bir cihaz çıkarıp biraz düğmelerine dokundu:

“Uzaktaki birisine veda etmem gerek…”

Hızla dışarıya çıktık, aracını sokağın köşesine bırakmış, araca geçtik ve kimsesizler yurduna doğru yola koyulduk, o sırada Dolores, Animal Instinct diye bir şey mırıldanıyordu, yolda gördüklerimiz ise şunlardı:

 

Dolores der ki:

Em   Am7   Cadd9   D  (x2)

[Verse 1]
Em       Am7                       Cadd9
Suddenly something has happened to me
         D                Em
As I was having my cup of tea
         Am7           Cadd9
Suddenly I was feeling depressed
      D                   Em
I was utterly and totally stressed
       Am7              Cadd9   D    Em
Do you know you made me cry    iai ouuuo
       Am7              Cadd9   D
Do you know you made me die    iai


[Pre-Chorus]
        Em                 Am7
And the thing that gets to me
          Cadd9        D
Is you'll never really see
        Em                   Am7
And the thing that freaks me out
        Cadd9        D
Is I'll always be in doubt


[Chorus]
G       D                    Cadd9
It is a lovely thing that we have
        D
It is a lovely thing that we
G       D                 Cadd9
It is a lovely thing, the animal
    D
The animal instinct


 Em   Am7   Cadd9   D  (x2)


[Verse 2]

Em         Am7                 Cadd9
So take my hands and come with me
         D                Em
We will change reality
           Am7               Cadd9
So take my hands and we will pray
           D                   Em
They won't take you away
          Am7           Cadd9   D      Em
They will never make me cry,    iaii  nouou
       Am7              Cadd9   D
They will never make me die     iaii


[Pre-Chorus]
        Em                 Am7
And the thing that gets to me
          Cadd9        D
Is you'll never really see
        Em                   Am7
And the thing that freaks me out
        Cadd9        D
Is I'll always be in doubt


[Outro]
    Em          Am7         Cadd9              D
The animal, the animal, the animal instinct in me
         Em          Am7         Cadd9              D
It's the animal, the animal, the animal instinct in me
         Em               Am7              Cadd9              D
It's the animal, it's the animal, it's the animal instinct in me
         Em               Am7              Cadd9              D
It's the animal, it's the animal, it's the animal instinct in me
    Em          Am7         Cadd9              D
The animal, the animal, the animal instinct in me
         Em               Am7              Cadd9              D
It's the animal, it's the animal, it's the animal instinct in me


Em   Am7   Cadd9   D  (x3)
Em
 Animal Instinct’i duyduğunda uzaklaşmak istersin bir çok şeyden, bir kadının çocukları devlet tarafından kimsesizler yurduna götürülmek üzeredir, kadın elinde herhalde çocukları için aldığı şeylerin olduğu bir paketle eve doğru yaklaşır ve  polislere haykırmaya başlar:

“Get away from my house get away… You can not take my kids don’t take my kids… Go way…”

AFFETMEYENSANAT Çeviri: “Hiçbirinizi affetmiyorum: Evimden uzak durun… Çocuklarımı almama engel olursanız sizi affetmiyorum… Affetmiyorumaffet…”

 

Kimsesizler yurduna ya da artık her ne zıkkımsa oraya geldiğimizde Dolores çantasından bir peruk çıkarıp taktı, şimdi esmer olmuştu, araçta beklememi söyledi, giderken şöyle mırıldanıyordu:

“It’s the lovely thing, the animal instinct…”

AFFETMEYENSANAT Çeviri: “İçimdeki bu ‘insani’ içgüdüyü affetmiyorumaffet…”

 

Az sonra Dolores iki yanında ellerinden tuttuğu iki çocuk olduğu halde dışarıya çıktı, çocuklar yanlarındaki kadını tanıyamamışlar; korku dolu gözlerle bakarak onun yanında koşturuyorlardı, ( böyle olmuştu hakikaten ) çocukları hemen arka koltuğa geçirdi ve nereye gittiğimizi bilmez bir halde yola koyulduk, köşeyi döndüğümüz sırada saçındaki peruğu çıkarınca çocuklar onu tanıyıp hemen sarılmaya çalıştılar, şehirden çıktıktan sonra şehir dışındaki bir restoranın önünde durduk, dip taraftaki masaya geçmiştik, garson kız yanımıza geldi:

“Ne alırdınız?”

“Biz tokuz, geçen ay yemek yemiştik, sadece çocuklar yiyecek…”

Garson kız az sonra çocuklar için yiyecek bir şeyler ve dondurma getirdi,  çocuklar dondurmalarını yerken Dolores’in yüzüne yerleşen ifade o kadar anlamlıydı ki bir türlü unutamadım. Veledler de öyle bir yiyorlar ki, az daha: hay canına yandığım, para yok annenizde para, o bardağı paylaşsanız olmaz mıydı, diye haykıracaktım orada. Garson kız duyabilir diye bir şey demedim.

O sırada radyoda şarkıya pek benzemeyen bir şey vardı:

 

Marc Nachtegaele Dolores,

last SUNDAY, when i was listening to my favourite song ODE TO MY FAMILY, i didn’t expect you to GO YOUR OWN WAY…

but WHEN YOU’RE GONE it was such a DISAPPOINTMENT, i was LOOSING MY MIND…
it’s now RAINING IN MY HEART, i’m SHATTERED…

I’M STILL REMEMBERING my first concert of you, i was like a child DREAMING MY DREAMS…

i wish it could sound like RIDICULOUS THOUGHTS but it’s not JUST MY IMAGINATION…

whatever… i’m still FREE TO DECIDE to LINGER on your music for years, i’ll do it for sure, that’s no EMPTY … PROMISES…

I CAN’T BE WITH YOU, so I REALLY HOPE you’re in peace and I send you TWENTY ONE … ROSES.

THERE’S NO NEED TO ARGUE ANYMORE,
YOU WILL ALWAYS BE SPECIAL TO ME

 

Yemek bitmek üzereydi, Dolores masanın altından gizlice ceplerine uzandı ve üzerindeki tüm paraya baktı, biraz bozukluk, hesabı ödeyecek para yoktu, tam o sırada çocuklar ona bakınca bu zor durumunu unutup onlara o kadar içten gülümsedi ki bunu da unutmam mümkün değil.

Ona seslendim:

“İstersen bu defa hesabı ödemeden gidelim, bunca hesap ödendi de ne işe yaradı ki?”

Dolores önerimi kabul etti ve açık yeşil önlüklü; kısa kıvırcık saçlı garson kız tezgahın arkasına geçtiği bir sırada hemen toparlanıp dışarıya çıktık ve araca geçip oradan uzaklaştık.

Şu an aracı bir tarlanın kenarına çektik, Dolores çiçeklerle dolu bir tarlada çocuklara sarılıyor, onlarla bir şeyler oynuyor, bir ara kısa bir an yüzüme ve uzaklara doğru öyle bir baktı ki onun yaşamındaki belirsizliği bütünüyle sezdim, yarın ne olacağına dair en ufak bir fikri dahi yoktu, belki salı, belki perşembeydi, ikisi de aynı şey değil miydi, sadece çocukları kaçırabilmiş ve o yerden hesabı ödemeden ayrılabilmiştik…

Dolores, Affetmiyorumaffet!

Akşam olmak üzere, Dolores yine tarlada, üzerinde beyaz bir elbise ve saçlarında papatyalardan ( sanırım papatya; bildiğin papatya bunlar ) çelenge ( bildiğin çelenk işte ) benzer bir şey var, mırıltısı buraya kadar geliyor:

“So take my hands come with me we will change reality…”

AFFETMEYENSANAT Çeviri: “A.ş.k. diye hoş bir şey var olmasa da onu icat etmek zorundayız. Elimi tutmayı bırakırsan seni asla affetmem; çünkü biz… dünyayı değiştireceğiz!”

 

PAYLAŞIM ZOONUSU:

İstersen buradan bunu paylaşabilir, AFFETMEYENSANAT SANAT ne yapar ne eder takip edebilir ve affetmemeyi deneyebilirsin:

GÜNCELLENİYOR…

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